Rejection hurts. It happens in several ways personally and professionally. I remember years ago applying for so many jobs and receiving that standard ‘it’s not you, but someone was better’ letter. It hurt even more when you discovered the person who was hired didn’t have a fraction of your qualifications but was seen as a ‘better fit’—code for we have a type we want in our culture.
Rejection happens in our personal lives. It’s painful to watch a relationship you’ve invested in dissolve or that you find someone you like only to discover they don’t feel the same way about you as you feel about them. Our emotions in either situation can get the best of us.
For some, rejection creates a wall. The pain creates a spiritual scar tissue that protects our hearts and makes it difficult for anyone else to permeate. Those flashbacks of hurt serve as a barrier and it’s easy to defend yourself against the hurt by creating a prototype in your head of signs to be leery of. It’s a form of self-preservation.
Yet, could these walls (real or imagined) keep us from enjoying the abundance that God has for us? Could our pain become an idol? We place the hurt above God and focus so much on our fear that we trust our experience more than God’s ability to rectify and release it.
It’s natural to desire recompense. We want restitution for the loss or harm we’ve suffered. In doing so, we leave little room for God to heal us because we continue to elevate our pain. Justice is important when you’ve been treated unfairly. Do we trust God enough to fight our battles and restore our peace?
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone,” Romans 12:17. In this time we live in, doing right in the eyes of others is getting those who hurt you back. One of Jazmine Sullivan’s songs tells us “I’ll bust the windows out your car.” Doing so may provide immediate gratification but consequences are even more damaging than the hurt you suffered.
“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord,” Romans 12:19, NIV. We must believe that God sees all, and God will handle it. It boils down to deciding whether to trust our methods or believe in God to address it on our behalf.
It’s not easy. But I have discovered that often closed doors are blessings in disguise or growth opportunities. We don’t have all of the information at the time but I know in my experience, God was protecting me or giving me something better.
Those experiences teach us about God’s faithfulness and love because we realize we could not have made it without God. Our dependence on God grows and so does our faith, if we choose this path.
Instead of being angry or feeling defeated, take the time to seek God in your pain. It doesn’t diminish what you are going through and you shouldn’t dismiss what you feel. The pain is real and yet we are told: “casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully],” 1 Peter 5:7, MSG.
Give it to God and know that you are not alone. You are loved and this too, shall pass.
(Dr. Froswa’ Booker-Drew is the president of Soulstice Consultancy, LLC, and the founder of the Reconciliation and Restoration (r2fdn.org) Foundation. The author of four books, including: Empowering Charity: A New Narrative of Philanthropy, Dr. Booker-Drew is also the host of the Tapestry podcast.)
